Royal Puns for Kings, Queens and Commoners
By appointment to her Majesty here is a set of puns from the royal punmeister.
Inspired by living under a monarchy and celebrating every time one of the Royal Family breaks wind, this gently mocking selection is suitable for Royalist and Republican alike.
Note for American cousins. Republican means anti-monarchy in the UK.
Let's see how far we can get before a date with the Royal Head Chopper.
Note for keen-eyed critics, not all references to Prince Charles have been changed to King Charles. That might be a small act of revolutionary defiance or laziness.
Here are the puns.
Inspired by living under a monarchy and celebrating every time one of the Royal Family breaks wind, this gently mocking selection is suitable for Royalist and Republican alike.
Note for American cousins. Republican means anti-monarchy in the UK.
Let's see how far we can get before a date with the Royal Head Chopper.
Note for keen-eyed critics, not all references to Prince Charles have been changed to King Charles. That might be a small act of revolutionary defiance or laziness.
Here are the puns.
Puns
actor - drama queen
carbon footprince - Prince Charles as he flies between climate change summits
Coronation Virus - Prince Charles gets a cough
cutlery - silver spoon
Ginge and Cringe - Harry and Meghan
favorite fast food - Burger King
football team - Crystal Palace
me again - it's Meghan, again
misbehaving prince - having a bad heir day
Prince of Wokeness - Prince Harry since Meghan told him to have a social conscience
royal tea - Earl Grey
Royal Thighness - female Royal with hemline above the knee
salad - Coronation Chicken
shake hands with the people - the common touch
shellfish - King Prawn
short servant - footman
untaxed royal wealth should be irregal
visiting Buckingham Palace was a peasant experience
carbon footprince - Prince Charles as he flies between climate change summits
Coronation Virus - Prince Charles gets a cough
cutlery - silver spoon
Ginge and Cringe - Harry and Meghan
favorite fast food - Burger King
football team - Crystal Palace
me again - it's Meghan, again
misbehaving prince - having a bad heir day
Prince of Wokeness - Prince Harry since Meghan told him to have a social conscience
royal tea - Earl Grey
Royal Thighness - female Royal with hemline above the knee
salad - Coronation Chicken
shake hands with the people - the common touch
shellfish - King Prawn
short servant - footman
untaxed royal wealth should be irregal
visiting Buckingham Palace was a peasant experience
Expressions
A cat may look at a king - cats can do what they like
Crown Jewels - tools - Cockney rhyming slang
Don't complain, never explain - Royal motto - good advice for anyone who has ongoing relationship with the gutter press
Heir and a spare - two Royal children
Megxit - when Harry and Meghan decided to step back from being full time Royals
Midas Touch - refers to King Midas who everything he touched turned to gold. The Elon Musk of his day.
Crown Jewels - tools - Cockney rhyming slang
Don't complain, never explain - Royal motto - good advice for anyone who has ongoing relationship with the gutter press
Heir and a spare - two Royal children
Megxit - when Harry and Meghan decided to step back from being full time Royals
Midas Touch - refers to King Midas who everything he touched turned to gold. The Elon Musk of his day.
Films and TV
Casino Royale - James Bond
Dukes of Hazzard - The General Lee
My Name is Earl - karma
The Princess Diaries - whatever
Priscilla, Queen of the Desert - comedy
The King and I - musical
If you need an antidote to excessive media coverage of the Royals - Monty Python and the Holy Grail delivers lashings of ridicule. Check out the Constitutional Peasants scene.
Dukes of Hazzard - The General Lee
My Name is Earl - karma
The Princess Diaries - whatever
Priscilla, Queen of the Desert - comedy
The King and I - musical
If you need an antidote to excessive media coverage of the Royals - Monty Python and the Holy Grail delivers lashings of ridicule. Check out the Constitutional Peasants scene.
People Who Sound A Bit Royal
Emma Bunting - Spice Girl
Gerard Butler - actor
B B King - blues singer
Don King - boxing promoter
Elvis - the King
Stephen King - writer
Lady Gaga - singer
Prince - musician
Princess Nut Nuts - nickname for wife of Boris Johnson (ex UK Prime Minister)
Queen - rock band
Queen Latifah - actress
Barbara Windsor - actress
Gerard Butler - actor
B B King - blues singer
Don King - boxing promoter
Elvis - the King
Stephen King - writer
Lady Gaga - singer
Prince - musician
Princess Nut Nuts - nickname for wife of Boris Johnson (ex UK Prime Minister)
Queen - rock band
Queen Latifah - actress
Barbara Windsor - actress
Ones Social Media
Ancestry - well, one has to check
eBray - buy secondhand stuff and brag about it
InstaFame - read it and weep, plebian influencers
LinkedIn - not required, job for life since birth
OnesFans - royal pics by subscription
SnapCastle - oh look, mines bigger than yours
Tinder - for finding suitable applicants
YahTube - for songs about Hooray Henry's
eBray - buy secondhand stuff and brag about it
InstaFame - read it and weep, plebian influencers
LinkedIn - not required, job for life since birth
OnesFans - royal pics by subscription
SnapCastle - oh look, mines bigger than yours
Tinder - for finding suitable applicants
YahTube - for songs about Hooray Henry's
Songs
Castles Made of Sand - beautiful Hendrix cover by Alice Phoebe Lou
Common People - Pulp
Dancing Queen - Abba
Fanfare for the Common Man - ELP show what anthems should sound like
God Save The Queen - Sex Pistols
Killer Queen - Queen
Little Queenie - Chuck Berry
Purple Reign - Prince
And...
Killing In The Name - Rage Against The Machine. Sadly and perhaps inevitably, Rage Against the Machine grew old and stopped raging.
Common People - Pulp
Dancing Queen - Abba
Fanfare for the Common Man - ELP show what anthems should sound like
God Save The Queen - Sex Pistols
Killer Queen - Queen
Little Queenie - Chuck Berry
Purple Reign - Prince
And...
Killing In The Name - Rage Against The Machine. Sadly and perhaps inevitably, Rage Against the Machine grew old and stopped raging.
Words for Making Royal Puns
Royalty and all it's trappings has a pretty long list of words that can be used in puns. Here are some of them.
bow, butler, castle, coronation, crown, curtsy, footman, heir, hereditary, king, kneel, majesty, monarch, monarchy, palace, peasant, prince, princess, queen, regal, reign, royal, rule, servants, throne
bow, butler, castle, coronation, crown, curtsy, footman, heir, hereditary, king, kneel, majesty, monarch, monarchy, palace, peasant, prince, princess, queen, regal, reign, royal, rule, servants, throne
Royal People
King Charles III. Ex Prince Charles recently promoted. An odd man who treated Diana appallingly. Friends with Sir Jimmy Saville (deceased), David Attenborough and Greta Thunberg. Attended Davos (see WEF further down) using an electric car that was flown over for the occasion. Charles is not much-loved by the British due to his perceived treatment of Diana. A constant stream of positive propaganda may ensure King Charles III becomes tolerably popular.
Camilla. The King's Consort or something. Not allowed to marry Charles in the early days, forcing him to marry Diana and ensure an heir to the throne. Meanwhile their love story endured before, during and after Diana. No point in blaming people for affairs of the heart, Camilla plays her part well.
The Queen. Reigned for 70 odd years. Generally loved and respected even by those who want to see an end to the monarchy. We don't say Queen of England or Queen Elizabeth the II to identify her from other Queens around the world. She was simply the one Queen (to rule them all) until her death on 8th September 2022.
Prince Philip - Queen's late husband. Fondly remembered by Great British Public for putting his foot in his mouth on foreign expeditions. One of his gaffes was warning British students visiting China not to stay too long or they'll get slitty eyes. Gaffe is a word used by our fawning media when the actual description for anyone else, Trump for example, would be racist remark.
Prince Andrew - friend of Jeffrey Epstein (deceased). No plans to visit America in the near future. Has not had a good press for a long while and is effectively now retired.
Prince Edward - slightly suspect Royal who is not seen much.
Princess Anne - a jolly good sort. A decent royal who you could probably have a nice cup of tea with.
Princess Diana. Troublesome wife for Charles. She had glamour, popularity and a desire to do something. Died in French car crash. Hugely popular with the sheeple.
Prince William - will one day be King. That's how Royal birth works. Don't bother applying. Married to Kate Middleclass who has a mostly good press because she plays the part.
Prince Harry - will not be King. Was a man of the people until Meghan appeared. Has lost a lot of fans but gained a new set of woke ones who buy his caring about things act. Many Brits preferred him when he wore a Nazi fancy dress costume and fooled around a lot. He seemed like a normal person back then.
ed: That's enough Royals, you're not Oprah.
Camilla. The King's Consort or something. Not allowed to marry Charles in the early days, forcing him to marry Diana and ensure an heir to the throne. Meanwhile their love story endured before, during and after Diana. No point in blaming people for affairs of the heart, Camilla plays her part well.
The Queen. Reigned for 70 odd years. Generally loved and respected even by those who want to see an end to the monarchy. We don't say Queen of England or Queen Elizabeth the II to identify her from other Queens around the world. She was simply the one Queen (to rule them all) until her death on 8th September 2022.
Prince Philip - Queen's late husband. Fondly remembered by Great British Public for putting his foot in his mouth on foreign expeditions. One of his gaffes was warning British students visiting China not to stay too long or they'll get slitty eyes. Gaffe is a word used by our fawning media when the actual description for anyone else, Trump for example, would be racist remark.
Prince Andrew - friend of Jeffrey Epstein (deceased). No plans to visit America in the near future. Has not had a good press for a long while and is effectively now retired.
Prince Edward - slightly suspect Royal who is not seen much.
Princess Anne - a jolly good sort. A decent royal who you could probably have a nice cup of tea with.
Princess Diana. Troublesome wife for Charles. She had glamour, popularity and a desire to do something. Died in French car crash. Hugely popular with the sheeple.
Prince William - will one day be King. That's how Royal birth works. Don't bother applying. Married to Kate Middleclass who has a mostly good press because she plays the part.
Prince Harry - will not be King. Was a man of the people until Meghan appeared. Has lost a lot of fans but gained a new set of woke ones who buy his caring about things act. Many Brits preferred him when he wore a Nazi fancy dress costume and fooled around a lot. He seemed like a normal person back then.
ed: That's enough Royals, you're not Oprah.
Kate
Lucky Kate gets her own section now thanks to Photogate. A delicious conspiracy, maybe real, probably not, fever swept the UK in 2024.
Kate refers to Kate Middleton, wife of Prince William. She seems to have had a recent name change, now being referred to as Catherine or Princess Catherine by the press and palace statements. This may be preparation for the couple becoming the next King and Queen of England after Charles who has his own medical problems.
Kate went into hospital late 2023 and was not seen for a couple of months. This developed into a frenzy of speculation. Was she OK? Were they getting divorced? Had something happened to her face / bum / marriage?
In order to appease the Great British Public a picture of Kate with the children was released on Mother's Day (10th March in the UK). This was dutifully reproduced throughout the media world.
In an extraordinary move, the major agencies, Reuters, AP and others issued a kill notice on the picture. It had been manipulated. The corresponding British agency grudgingly withdrew the picture a day later as it was left with no choice.
The public was puzzled by this move. Surely all celebrity pictures are manipulated? Photoshop, AI, whatever. Why was this picture deemed so misleading that we needed protecting from it?
The frenzy intensified. A day later Kate, or more accurately, Kate's social media account released a short apology for touching up the photo using Photoshop. The public went into meltdown.
At the time of writing Kate has still not been 'properly' seen in public since 2023.
The issue is further complicated by the perceived or real feud between Team Kate and Team Meghan. As with everything in life the public are persuaded to choose sides in order to keep us unsettled and divided.
Kate refers to Kate Middleton, wife of Prince William. She seems to have had a recent name change, now being referred to as Catherine or Princess Catherine by the press and palace statements. This may be preparation for the couple becoming the next King and Queen of England after Charles who has his own medical problems.
Kate went into hospital late 2023 and was not seen for a couple of months. This developed into a frenzy of speculation. Was she OK? Were they getting divorced? Had something happened to her face / bum / marriage?
In order to appease the Great British Public a picture of Kate with the children was released on Mother's Day (10th March in the UK). This was dutifully reproduced throughout the media world.
In an extraordinary move, the major agencies, Reuters, AP and others issued a kill notice on the picture. It had been manipulated. The corresponding British agency grudgingly withdrew the picture a day later as it was left with no choice.
The public was puzzled by this move. Surely all celebrity pictures are manipulated? Photoshop, AI, whatever. Why was this picture deemed so misleading that we needed protecting from it?
The frenzy intensified. A day later Kate, or more accurately, Kate's social media account released a short apology for touching up the photo using Photoshop. The public went into meltdown.
At the time of writing Kate has still not been 'properly' seen in public since 2023.
The issue is further complicated by the perceived or real feud between Team Kate and Team Meghan. As with everything in life the public are persuaded to choose sides in order to keep us unsettled and divided.
Meghan
Meghan gets her own section because that is what she would like. Also she is not properly Royal so sorry about that Meg.
She is the Duchess of something and very important in her mind. She does great work for all manner of people and causes, especially Meghan. She is a victim of terrible injustices but has still managed to be a woman, a wife, a mother and an inspiration.
Without Meghan we would not realise people live in poverty. Now we can compare her life with ours and see the obscene wealth gap. It was a privilege (not white privilege, that's wrong) to watch her and Oprah talk about important issues such as Meghan, what Meghan thinks and how well Oprah does 'shocked'.
It is empowering when rich entitled people lecture us on issues while they fly on private jets and live in multi-million pound residences. Empowering for them, less so for us.
Meghan gave up being a Royal and fled to Los Angeles to avoid publicity. Since then she has faded from public life. Ah, if only.
She is the Duchess of something and very important in her mind. She does great work for all manner of people and causes, especially Meghan. She is a victim of terrible injustices but has still managed to be a woman, a wife, a mother and an inspiration.
Without Meghan we would not realise people live in poverty. Now we can compare her life with ours and see the obscene wealth gap. It was a privilege (not white privilege, that's wrong) to watch her and Oprah talk about important issues such as Meghan, what Meghan thinks and how well Oprah does 'shocked'.
It is empowering when rich entitled people lecture us on issues while they fly on private jets and live in multi-million pound residences. Empowering for them, less so for us.
Meghan gave up being a Royal and fled to Los Angeles to avoid publicity. Since then she has faded from public life. Ah, if only.
Platinum Jubilee
On June 2 2022 the Queen celebrated 70 years of reigning over us. In turn we (the Great British Commoners) celebrated 70 years of being reigned over.
70 years is a record for a British monarch. It is a figure that fleeting political figures who mostly serve a couple of terms, eight years or so, can only dream of. Imagine the harm they could inflict on us given more time.
The Queen has not obviously inflicted harm. She has done her Queenly stuff, public displays of ribbon cutting and speeches, and acted as the ultimate celebrity figurehead for the British Empire. Read it and weep Meghan.
Three cheers for her Maj and let's hope she keeps Charles off the throne for as long as possible.
70 years is a record for a British monarch. It is a figure that fleeting political figures who mostly serve a couple of terms, eight years or so, can only dream of. Imagine the harm they could inflict on us given more time.
The Queen has not obviously inflicted harm. She has done her Queenly stuff, public displays of ribbon cutting and speeches, and acted as the ultimate celebrity figurehead for the British Empire. Read it and weep Meghan.
Three cheers for her Maj and let's hope she keeps Charles off the throne for as long as possible.
The Death of Prince Philip
9th April 2021 Prince Philip died.
"We interrupt our programming to bring you live state sponsored mourning for a 99 year old man." Some unkind people likened the BBC 'news' coverage to the often laughable excesses of North Korean propaganda.
Here are some highlights.
All normal programming suspended on the BBC main channels for at least 24 hours.
News presenters dressed in black. They must keep a spare change of clothes at the office.
One BBC news reporter almost crying as she read from her script.
All US Presidents making statements.
Billboards across London changed to show a picture of Prince Philip.
The children of Prince Philip had pre-recorded obituary interviews ready to be screened on primetime TV.
After months of Covid propaganda from UK news media it was suddenly shelved. Today we will mourn Prince Philip. Tomorrow you will be scared by Covid. After that it's back to Climate Change.
It seems the Royal Family is more important than any of that other news business. When the Queen dies they may need to shut down for a whole month.
"We interrupt our programming to bring you live state sponsored mourning for a 99 year old man." Some unkind people likened the BBC 'news' coverage to the often laughable excesses of North Korean propaganda.
Here are some highlights.
All normal programming suspended on the BBC main channels for at least 24 hours.
News presenters dressed in black. They must keep a spare change of clothes at the office.
One BBC news reporter almost crying as she read from her script.
All US Presidents making statements.
Billboards across London changed to show a picture of Prince Philip.
The children of Prince Philip had pre-recorded obituary interviews ready to be screened on primetime TV.
After months of Covid propaganda from UK news media it was suddenly shelved. Today we will mourn Prince Philip. Tomorrow you will be scared by Covid. After that it's back to Climate Change.
It seems the Royal Family is more important than any of that other news business. When the Queen dies they may need to shut down for a whole month.
The Queen Dies
8th September 2022. There is concern for the Queen's health as her immediate family fly to Balmoral to be with her. The BBC suspended normal programming. The Speaker of Parliament made a short statement. The UK held it's collective breath.
Some hours later it was announced the Queen had died at the age of 96. For many UK subjects the Queen was the only monarch they had known. She had represented a reassuring continuity through the decades.
Immediately the death was announced Prince Charles became King Charles III.
The same choreographed routines as with Prince Philip were put into play using the initial code phrase "London Bridge has fallen". The entire propaganda machine was pointed at the sheeple and a 24 / 7 process of organized mourning began.
Tesco shopping website has recently urged support for Ukraine, celebrated Gay Pride and now offers its sympathy to our Queen. Predictable nonsense but the death of the Queen set some less humorous wheels in motion.
For those who despair at the loss of democracy to globalists, technocrats and corporations - the changing of the monarch brings a further reminder of unelected power. The political leaders of the UK 'democracy' were required to pledge allegiance to the King in a public display of obeisance.
I don't remember voting for that.
Some hours later it was announced the Queen had died at the age of 96. For many UK subjects the Queen was the only monarch they had known. She had represented a reassuring continuity through the decades.
Immediately the death was announced Prince Charles became King Charles III.
The same choreographed routines as with Prince Philip were put into play using the initial code phrase "London Bridge has fallen". The entire propaganda machine was pointed at the sheeple and a 24 / 7 process of organized mourning began.
Tesco shopping website has recently urged support for Ukraine, celebrated Gay Pride and now offers its sympathy to our Queen. Predictable nonsense but the death of the Queen set some less humorous wheels in motion.
For those who despair at the loss of democracy to globalists, technocrats and corporations - the changing of the monarch brings a further reminder of unelected power. The political leaders of the UK 'democracy' were required to pledge allegiance to the King in a public display of obeisance.
I don't remember voting for that.
Honours List
The Honours List is published at New Year and on the Queen's official birthday. It consists of a large number of names who are awarded titles such as knighthoods and MBEs.
The media draws public attention to popular celebrities who get a mention. There are also some good people who have worked all their lives for society who may get a lesser honour.
Elsewhere are the real awards. For services to royalty and government, favors and backhanders, the power brokers are rewarded. Civil servants who have obstructed democratic process throughout their careers will be knighted. Top police and military are brought into the fold. Media owners are rewarded for ensuring the right stories are promoted and the unfavourable ones buried.
Why hide the corruption of the system when you can do the whole thing in public and no one says a word?
On the plus side we don't have our votes miscounted. That's because we don't get to have a vote.
The media draws public attention to popular celebrities who get a mention. There are also some good people who have worked all their lives for society who may get a lesser honour.
Elsewhere are the real awards. For services to royalty and government, favors and backhanders, the power brokers are rewarded. Civil servants who have obstructed democratic process throughout their careers will be knighted. Top police and military are brought into the fold. Media owners are rewarded for ensuring the right stories are promoted and the unfavourable ones buried.
Why hide the corruption of the system when you can do the whole thing in public and no one says a word?
On the plus side we don't have our votes miscounted. That's because we don't get to have a vote.
Royal Lizards
Some people believe that the Royal Family and other world leaders are giant alien lizards. These lizards or reptilian shape-shifters have control over humans and an unbreakable grip on power.
Perhaps the most-famous proponent of this theory is David Icke.
It is possible to go along with the theory to some extent. A ruling global elite who are unaccountable to normal humans is not that farfetched, especially when they all chant the same mind-numbing phrases like Build Back Better and Net Zero. The pointless democracy where poor people vote for leaders who are identical in their actions - left, right or center.
The Royals have no connection to democracy at all.
It is harder to believe these powerful people are actual lizards from a distant planet. Although, have you ever touched their skin? Me neither.
If you feel confused watching our ridiculous world leaders operating in lockstep to a single script, a belief in lizards may help.
Or maybe not.
Perhaps the most-famous proponent of this theory is David Icke.
It is possible to go along with the theory to some extent. A ruling global elite who are unaccountable to normal humans is not that farfetched, especially when they all chant the same mind-numbing phrases like Build Back Better and Net Zero. The pointless democracy where poor people vote for leaders who are identical in their actions - left, right or center.
The Royals have no connection to democracy at all.
It is harder to believe these powerful people are actual lizards from a distant planet. Although, have you ever touched their skin? Me neither.
If you feel confused watching our ridiculous world leaders operating in lockstep to a single script, a belief in lizards may help.
Or maybe not.
Lizard People and the WEF
If the royal reptilian connection is a little far-fetched for you, how about Royal connections with the world's puppet master?
An old picture (not shown, no copyright) shows Charles posing with Klaus Schwab at the World Economic Forum in 1992.
In 2006 Klaus Schwab was knighted for "services to UK interests and climate change".
For those uninterested in such things they are of little consequence. Others may wonder why the British Royal family feels obliged to ingratiate itself with and support the formation of an unelected world global government.
It cannot simply be Charles likes talking to trees.
An old picture (not shown, no copyright) shows Charles posing with Klaus Schwab at the World Economic Forum in 1992.
In 2006 Klaus Schwab was knighted for "services to UK interests and climate change".
For those uninterested in such things they are of little consequence. Others may wonder why the British Royal family feels obliged to ingratiate itself with and support the formation of an unelected world global government.
It cannot simply be Charles likes talking to trees.
Abdication
At this point it is time to resign the Royal Commission.
Loyal subjects will note there are many other pun pages on this site of a more common nature.
Don't forget to buy your Royal Souvenirs - available from ye olde gift shop at a very reasonable price.
Loyal subjects will note there are many other pun pages on this site of a more common nature.
Don't forget to buy your Royal Souvenirs - available from ye olde gift shop at a very reasonable price.