New Year Resolutions AZ
This New Year it is going to be different. Armed with a fine set of well-meaning hopeful resolutions our lives are going to change for the better.
This humorous set of resolutions from A to Z, plus the odd cartoon along the way, will (almost) guarantee a successful and prosperous year.
As the resolutions are not tied to any particular year they can be recycled endlessly until you stop bothering with them altogether.
Why bother with resolutions anyway?
If you are at a social event of some sort, particularly with work colleagues and especially your boss, it is useful to have some great sounding, well meaning and ultimately futile response to the question "What's your New Year Resolution?".
Answering "Do as little as possible and enjoy myself at the expense of others" is not the best of ideas. This year could be a pay rise, promotion or if you are having the best New Year of your life maybe that someone special to spend the rest of it with.
Let's get creative.
This humorous set of resolutions from A to Z, plus the odd cartoon along the way, will (almost) guarantee a successful and prosperous year.
As the resolutions are not tied to any particular year they can be recycled endlessly until you stop bothering with them altogether.
Why bother with resolutions anyway?
If you are at a social event of some sort, particularly with work colleagues and especially your boss, it is useful to have some great sounding, well meaning and ultimately futile response to the question "What's your New Year Resolution?".
Answering "Do as little as possible and enjoy myself at the expense of others" is not the best of ideas. This year could be a pay rise, promotion or if you are having the best New Year of your life maybe that someone special to spend the rest of it with.
Let's get creative.
Hope Gifts >>
Covid Update
2020 has seemed for the most part like a bad dream. What started with genuine hopes for a new decade of promise quickly morphed into the worst year possible. Lockdowns, social distancing, masks and redundancies became the new reality.
2021 just has to be better.
2021 just has to be better.
Keep Your Distance Gifts >>
Resolutions
At New Year we have our annual chance to start afresh. We may have spent all last year eating, drinking and lazing around but next year will be different.
So we make New Year Resolutions.
Some are a little vague. Be a better person. Listen to others more. Care about young people issues. These are good ones to make as they virtue signal a willingness to improve but without getting bogged down in specifics.
Other resolutions such as dieting, exercise and saving money can involve exact details. Less than 1500 calories daily, walk five miles, save a thousand pounds. Easily said as the last of the old year alcohol slips happily into your throat but will nag at you during that first hungover headache in the New Year.
So we make New Year Resolutions.
Some are a little vague. Be a better person. Listen to others more. Care about young people issues. These are good ones to make as they virtue signal a willingness to improve but without getting bogged down in specifics.
Other resolutions such as dieting, exercise and saving money can involve exact details. Less than 1500 calories daily, walk five miles, save a thousand pounds. Easily said as the last of the old year alcohol slips happily into your throat but will nag at you during that first hungover headache in the New Year.
Allotment
Frankly, I couldn't think of any other resolution beginning with A. So it may seem a bit contrived but bear with it.
During 2020 many people started vegetable growing because there was nothing much else to do. Some people discovered the joy of planting seeds, growing crops and eating food that has travelled zero miles to your table.
Managing an allotment is a connection with Nature and a world away from all the other stuff that grinds us down. There are worse Resolutions to decide upon.
During 2020 many people started vegetable growing because there was nothing much else to do. Some people discovered the joy of planting seeds, growing crops and eating food that has travelled zero miles to your table.
Managing an allotment is a connection with Nature and a world away from all the other stuff that grinds us down. There are worse Resolutions to decide upon.
Allotment Gardening Gifts >>
Be A Better Person
I used to laugh at this vague wishy-washy aim because I already was perfect. It takes a while to realise you still have room to improve. By the time you do it may be too late.
We share this world and cross paths with many people. Try to spread some happiness. A smile or kind word costs nothing.
Therapy costs a whole lot more.
We share this world and cross paths with many people. Try to spread some happiness. A smile or kind word costs nothing.
Therapy costs a whole lot more.
Analyst Gifts >>
Career
You can be anything you want to be if you are a Royal, celebrity or Daddy is a billionaire.
The rest of us need to work. Changing places of work or the type of work can be rewarding in financial and happiness terms. Look at your old office in the cold dawn of the New Year and make some plans.
It does no harm to ask for a raise, improve qualifications through study, check other job opportunities or all of these and more.
There are Career Ideas here.
The rest of us need to work. Changing places of work or the type of work can be rewarding in financial and happiness terms. Look at your old office in the cold dawn of the New Year and make some plans.
It does no harm to ask for a raise, improve qualifications through study, check other job opportunities or all of these and more.
There are Career Ideas here.
Stand Up Comedy Gifts >>
Climate Change
Climate Change is a hot topic.
Practice learning the stats; hottest whatever, driest blah and windiest wotsit. Adopt an overbearing preachy manner that talks condescendingly to anyone who queries how they will work, eat and heat their home. Take time out from studying and claiming benefits to prevent normal people from going to work, collecting kids from school or shopping.
None of these actions will achieve anything. But they will make you feel so much better about yourself. Well done.
Don't forget to post your protest pics on social media!
Practice learning the stats; hottest whatever, driest blah and windiest wotsit. Adopt an overbearing preachy manner that talks condescendingly to anyone who queries how they will work, eat and heat their home. Take time out from studying and claiming benefits to prevent normal people from going to work, collecting kids from school or shopping.
None of these actions will achieve anything. But they will make you feel so much better about yourself. Well done.
Don't forget to post your protest pics on social media!
Climate Change Gifts >>
Dieting
After a Xmas and New Year blow-out it is time to brush off the healthy eating book. No more fast food, Only fresh vegetables. No crisps. Fresh water instead of Coke.
This new regime can last until you feel peckish and can't be bothered to shop, prepare and cook something.
This new regime can last until you feel peckish and can't be bothered to shop, prepare and cook something.
Keep Calm Diet Gifts >>
Drinking
Almost an ironic resolution to talk about while drinking the night away at a New Year party.
An excellent one for the day after, January 1st, as the hangover bites and the memories of what you said last night come back to haunt your thoughts.
Giving up drinking is always great idea. For health, social reasons and finances stopping drinking should be a number one aim.
Or maybe limiting yourself. No drinking before 17:00 unless there is a good reason to. And definitely no mad binging sessions unless your friends insist on it.
Try cutting down a little to start with and see how it goes.
An excellent one for the day after, January 1st, as the hangover bites and the memories of what you said last night come back to haunt your thoughts.
Giving up drinking is always great idea. For health, social reasons and finances stopping drinking should be a number one aim.
Or maybe limiting yourself. No drinking before 17:00 unless there is a good reason to. And definitely no mad binging sessions unless your friends insist on it.
Try cutting down a little to start with and see how it goes.
Sommelier Wine Tasting Gifts >>
Exercise More
See Gym Membership. The dream of being fitter is an endless one. Actually getting up and doing it - that's a different matter.
Fall In Love
Or get laid.
Depends on the time you have and which dating app you choose.
Depends on the time you have and which dating app you choose.
Financial Aims
The New Year is a good time for monetary aspirations. Everyone can find room to improve their financial situation from saving on extravagances to adopting a more frugal lifestyle.
Save towards a future thing, start putting money aside or try to get debt-free.
Ignore any and all apps offering solutions to money problems as they just want to make you poorer. And never try to get rich quick unless you have a sure-fire idea in which case share it.
Save towards a future thing, start putting money aside or try to get debt-free.
Ignore any and all apps offering solutions to money problems as they just want to make you poorer. And never try to get rich quick unless you have a sure-fire idea in which case share it.
Rich Guy Gifts >>
Fireworks
Make it a resolution not to support or buy fireworks again.
If you care about animals you will know how much they suffer while the world around them explodes with bangs, light and smoke.
If you must have loud bangs and scary thrills try booking a visit to one of the many places around the world our governments are currently bombing. One wonders what their resolutions will be for the New Year.
If you care about animals you will know how much they suffer while the world around them explodes with bangs, light and smoke.
If you must have loud bangs and scary thrills try booking a visit to one of the many places around the world our governments are currently bombing. One wonders what their resolutions will be for the New Year.
Gym Membership
If everyone with a membership turned up regularly to the gyms they would be packed. Fortunately what happens is this.
At New Year or just after people decide to start exercising. Taking out a gym subscription will make sure they attend regularly and get fitter and slimmer as a result. By the time the holiday season arrives they will be beach ready.
After a couple of sessions many people stop going but leave the subscription running just in case. That is how gyms make their money.
At New Year or just after people decide to start exercising. Taking out a gym subscription will make sure they attend regularly and get fitter and slimmer as a result. By the time the holiday season arrives they will be beach ready.
After a couple of sessions many people stop going but leave the subscription running just in case. That is how gyms make their money.
Treadmill Running Gifts >>
Health
Most people could cut down calorie intake and exercise more. This could lead to less time sick and less money spent on expensive garbage fast food.
Ah well, who has time for that. Life's too short to waste it on healthy stuff.
Ah well, who has time for that. Life's too short to waste it on healthy stuff.
Don't Feed The Troll Gifts >>
Honour's List
The UK has a New Year Honour's List where hundreds of people are given awards and titles. The idea is to reward citizens that have been of service to society, state and country.
In practice a few popular names from entertainment, sport and charity are given titles such as Dame and Sir. This pleases the public.
Further down the list are those that have been of use to the state; often by keeping quiet or lying. Heads of state police, media and defence departments are well rewarded for their service.
Previous award winners include Sir Jimmy Saville and Dame Cressida Dick. Tells you all you need to know.
In practice a few popular names from entertainment, sport and charity are given titles such as Dame and Sir. This pleases the public.
Further down the list are those that have been of use to the state; often by keeping quiet or lying. Heads of state police, media and defence departments are well rewarded for their service.
Previous award winners include Sir Jimmy Saville and Dame Cressida Dick. Tells you all you need to know.
Royal Lizard Gifts >>
Look Forward
Review the last year and try to find some good bits. Apply the same to the coming year and look forward to another precious twelve months of your life.
Make the most of it.
Make the most of it.
Marathon
Decide at midnight that this year you will run a full marathon. Or maybe a half one. It is an aim that involves exercise, training, effort and dedication.
Running Gifts >>
New Leisure Activities
There are an unlimited number of activities such as sports, hobbies, arts and crafts, pastimes that people engage in. Solo or team, expensive or cheap, sedentary or active - an endless range of things to do for fun, relaxation and socialising.
The New Year is an ideal time to think about taking one up.
This site has a large collection of illustrated Pastimes and Sports sections with merchandise opportunities for looking very cool indeed. Buying an expensive t-shirt is an ideal way to get interested in a new hobby.
ed: Are you sure about this?
The New Year is an ideal time to think about taking one up.
This site has a large collection of illustrated Pastimes and Sports sections with merchandise opportunities for looking very cool indeed. Buying an expensive t-shirt is an ideal way to get interested in a new hobby.
ed: Are you sure about this?
Pastures New Gifts >>
Politics in the New Year
There will be important politics in the New Year.
There always are. Each election is flagged up as being crucial for your particular ideology. Each time it becomes ever more important to vote.
Except it isn't. Politicians, media, celebrity and business sponsors lie about it but the end result is always the same old.
A penny on tax or a penny off it.
Take a step back, ignore them and save yourself a whole lot of time and grief.
There always are. Each election is flagged up as being crucial for your particular ideology. Each time it becomes ever more important to vote.
Except it isn't. Politicians, media, celebrity and business sponsors lie about it but the end result is always the same old.
A penny on tax or a penny off it.
Take a step back, ignore them and save yourself a whole lot of time and grief.
Drain The Swamp Gifts >>
Saving Money
After the blowout of Xmas and the end of the old year comes a good time to plan economies in sensible and easy to achieve areas.
One way to save money without much effort or denial is to check small regular expenses. A daily coffee that costs a couple of dollars will add up to hundreds over the course of the year. Keep a note of what you spend over a month and make some changes.
Try to stick with the plan until the 2nd of January when you deserve to treat yourself for being so frugal.
One way to save money without much effort or denial is to check small regular expenses. A daily coffee that costs a couple of dollars will add up to hundreds over the course of the year. Keep a note of what you spend over a month and make some changes.
Try to stick with the plan until the 2nd of January when you deserve to treat yourself for being so frugal.
Pennies From Heaven Gifts >>
Selfies
Take less of them.
Smoking
Pity the poor smoker. Each New Year they think about quitting and either fail or don't even try.
Years of hating yourself for smoking and being unable to stop. Countless remedies and books on the subject.
As an ex-smoker I am in a good place to offer limited advice.
Psychology says don't think about quitting but think about becoming a non-smoker. Make it a positive action rather than a denial relying on often flaky willpower.
Alternatively don't give up! Start vaping instead.
All the pleasure, habit and hit from cigarettes with fewer nasty effects. Yes it is probably not 100% safe. But it is way better than analog smoking.
Years of hating yourself for smoking and being unable to stop. Countless remedies and books on the subject.
As an ex-smoker I am in a good place to offer limited advice.
Psychology says don't think about quitting but think about becoming a non-smoker. Make it a positive action rather than a denial relying on often flaky willpower.
Alternatively don't give up! Start vaping instead.
All the pleasure, habit and hit from cigarettes with fewer nasty effects. Yes it is probably not 100% safe. But it is way better than analog smoking.
Vaping Gifts >>
Social Media
Think about closing social media accounts and weaning yourself off the constant need to check likes and retweets.
Who cares what anonymous trolls and celebrities think?
Have some thoughts of your own.
Who cares what anonymous trolls and celebrities think?
Have some thoughts of your own.
Leave Twitter #twexit Gifts >>
Tolerance
Instead of preaching about it try practicing it.
Vegan or Vegetarian
A contribution to your own wellbeing, farm animals and the planet is to stop eating meat.
With substitute protein alternatives constantly improving there are compelling reasons to start with one meat free day and move up to seven.
Don't make a big deal out of it. Just cut down on meat consumption and feel better.
If you must have hashtags in your life - it's #Veganuary.
With substitute protein alternatives constantly improving there are compelling reasons to start with one meat free day and move up to seven.
Don't make a big deal out of it. Just cut down on meat consumption and feel better.
If you must have hashtags in your life - it's #Veganuary.
Vegan Gifts >>
Washing On New Year's Day
One resolution that is easy to keep is not to do washing on the 1st January.
The superstition says that this action will bring bad luck including the possibility of washing away a family member.
Fair enough. Go back to normal on the second or maybe later.
The superstition says that this action will bring bad luck including the possibility of washing away a family member.
Fair enough. Go back to normal on the second or maybe later.
End of List
Next year one of my resolutions will be to make this page more extensive, funnier and generally wow.
It is no bad thing to try making a few New Year resolutions. Call it a review of where you could improve on the previous year.
The brilliant thing is that for a few brief moments in the New Year there is a short period where intentions and actuality are in step.
Happy New Year!
It is no bad thing to try making a few New Year resolutions. Call it a review of where you could improve on the previous year.
The brilliant thing is that for a few brief moments in the New Year there is a short period where intentions and actuality are in step.
Happy New Year!